The biggest barrier

As part of her DIY Writing Spring Blog Hop, Dana Sitar, author of “A Writer’s Bucket List”, asked:

What is the biggest barrier you face to following your writing dreams? and encouraged to write our answers in a blog post to celebrate the Kindle release of her book.

I sat down full of half-formed ideas, notions and convictions about what my barriers are when it comes to following my writing dreams.

• One of them is, that living in Romania and writing in English, the possibilities aren’t as vast and varied as for a writer who is in the US, UK, Canada, Australia, New Zealand.
• Freelance writing gigs don’t grow on trees… Not here, and not anywhere, really. I check out ads for freelance writing work filed under “anywhere”, but nothing stuck so far.
• Work, and its new, highly-stressful environment, leaves me drained, uninspired and with next to no writing time.

All of the above are valid, I think.
And yet, the biggest barrier I face at the moment – is the lack of finances. Don’t get me wrong. I’m not looking to get rich. And I’m not lazy. But working so much just to stay poor doesn’t help.
Salaries aren’t much here. I am left with less than half of mine after bills and that doesn’t include groceries.

It would be the best if there was a possibility to take a few months, put life on hold and not have to worry about finances.
To not have to worry about commute, about needing a bus pass for all lines, yet still having to walk a good part of the way.
To not have to worry about disappointing people who just don’t get that I really need some time to write or I’ll explode. Or worse, implode.

And, unfortunately, so far I haven’t been able to set aside money to making any of this happen.

Opportunity doesn’t knock on my door on its own. Even while searching, I don’t know when a better one will come along. But I’ll probably jump at it in an instant when it does!

Crossing things off from my Bucket List

With the launch of Dana Sitar’s new book, “A Writer’s Bucket List”, I kept thinking of my own bucket list. Dana’s book is a launching point for all of the possibilities of being a writer. Instead of another how-to on any kind of writing, this book is a “Why not?” for the writer’s life. The list is a combination of the unique steps that have formed her career and bolstered her creativity, and the things she hasn’t yet had a chance to try. The book offers some conventional and some unconventional steps on the path through a writer’s life, why they matter, and advice for getting started.

How appropriate that Dana is hosting a blog hop launch party which encourages people to talk about what is on their bucket lists. Allow me to share some of mine:

One of the things I want to cross off my Bucket List in 2013, is writing more essays and travel articles.

At the moment, because of my hectic work schedule there isn’t too much time to actually sit down and write. Without having at least ten other things to think about and even more to attend to. Which makes me feel drained. So I have been putting it off, for far more than I would’ve liked. For the same reason, I haven’t written any travel articles since last October.

I’d like for that to change. Because honestly, I noticed that I’m a nervous wreck when I don’t write something, at least a few sentences every day. Let alone when I have to go without writing for several days at a time. I find myself shuffling from place to place, being generally impossible to deal with and feeling discombobulated.

Right now, things have cooled off a bit and I have more time to get accustomed to my work schedule and see about where I can insert time to write. As a first step, in January, I took part in the Mindful Writing Challenge. It was such a wonderful experience and a great way to keep to observing one thing and then writing about it every single day. So from now on as well, I’m planning to carve out a little bit of time each day to write, even if it’ll only end up as a blog post. It’ll get me into the habit again, cool my temper, make me feel happy again and that’s a great start.

After this, comes the sticking-to-it part Because… yes, I want to be a full-time writer “when I grow up”!

 

Your turn. Tell me, what will you cross off your Bucket List in 2013?

 

Make sure you click on the image to the right and drop by these other lovely blogs to read how everyone else deals with this question

A note from the Universe

Sometimes, Estrella, if the direction you’re about to move feels "right" in your head and heart, yet the first few steps look pretty daunting, not fun, and maybe even scary, you should take those first few steps anyway and get ‘em over with.

And I’m not just saying that because watching you in action gives me goose bumps.

~ The Universe.

Proof: the Universe provides

Things that surprise you are the most beautiful. When you forget a dream because it seems too far away or impossible. When suddenly you reach out to a stranger and magical things happen. So magical that they give your heart palpitations. Literally. My heart flutters with joy but mostly fear. Fear of not jinxing it, fear of people who might distrust me, fear that even though my joy grows and grows it might turn out badly. I want to believe that this time things happened because they need to happen, and someone out there is giving me a priceless opportunity.

I have no idea how this happened. Out of nowhere, without my conscious looking for it.

When I was little I dreamed of it. Then I didn’t give it much thought. In college the dream returned, but my specialization didn’t help much. So there it went again. After college, when I was finally working in that field, I began to dream again. I took a course and got a degree. Then, because of certain health and life events, I stopped. I completely forgot about the dream. I was still in love with it, but years passed.

Until the phone rang on September 5th and that changed everything in only a few hours. For two days, I could say that I wasn’t only a florist at heart, but one who actually gets to work in their field again!

It meant a few exhausting days until I got into the hang of it again and finished cleaning the newly opened flower shop. Then, it was over in as much time as it all began.

~~~

Now I’m looking for something else again, for a new job.

This turned out to be a short learning curve that helped me clarify something I needed to clarify within myself, for whatever reason. I learned about what I really want, what I’m willing to overlook, and what I won’t put up with.

(And after getting a new job, at least for an upcoming few months, it’ll mean an eight hour job + babysitting + crafting + tutoring + writing + Life. (Pretty much) Per day.)

However, dear friends, know that dreams are not lost even if you forget them.

The Universe provides. Even if at times, it’s only to course-correct.

My purpose for money

Steadying an aim is good for us from time to time. Even if I can’t fulfill much of it just yet, I think being on the right path is what matters most.

Estrella’s purpose for money, Feb. 2012

• Travel. By myself, and with loved ones
• Surprise loved ones with gifts
• Buy friend’s books and art
• Shop organic/homemade/handmade/etc.
• Build my plaster crafting business so it becomes a steady income
• Save up and invest wisely
• Turn writing into a priority and a steady income 
• Donate, be a philanthropist
• Own a lovely home – where ever the right place for it turns out to be.
• Create my own writing space and workshop in said home

Quite honestly, I don’t want a lot of money. I don’t think a pirate’s chest full of money is required to be happy. I only want enough to do what I want to do and be who I want to be this lifetime — as opposed to having two (three) jobs just to stay poor.

What is your purpose for money?

 

*Blog post inspired by Danielle LaPorte’s second post for The Burning Questions Series.

Love letters from overseas

“Sometimes there are no words. No words to describe what we feel, and no words that could truly comfort us. But I’m a writer and will try to anyway. You…”

Those are the beginning sentences of one of my love letters. I signed up to write a few love letters as a part of Hannah Brencher’s 12 Days of Love Letter Writing over at MoreLoveLetters this December and it is by far the most scary, the hardest and yet the most wonderful thing I ever volunteered to do.

My assignments weren’t easy, and as soon as I got them apprehensiveness was what best described my mood (I was terrified of not depressing the heck out of my letter’s subjects with my words because that is not what they need right now.) I thought I made a mistake signing up for this.

  However, as soon as I sat down, calmed myself down enough to start and began writing, everything changed. I did my best to imagine what I’d like to read if I were in a similar situation and let myself go, let my pen do the writing. Instead of worrying about saying something wrong, I focused on positivity and figuring out how to transfer that to words on paper.

I’m not totally convinced my words will bring true comfort to the people receiving my love letters. But I am 100% convinced that they will be well received and will help ease the pain, to lift them up at least a little bit.

And… every single “little bit” counts!

 

In this spirit, I’m turning to my readers now. If you would like to participate, there are still two days left! And since the assignments appear on the MoreLoveLetters blog as well, I think (ask Hannah to make sure!) you can even browse through them and choose whom you’d most like to write to, sending your letters along in under a week.

Hope you will visit the website, and even if you don’t participate right now, keep it in mind and sign up for later.

Are you allowed to?

For the last full week of May we didn’t get a self-love assignment from J as a part of her Love Project.
That means I spent the past eight days – though not deliberately – paying attention to anything but loving myself or giving myself a break. Both figuratively and literally. (Although to be fair, I did reward myself by starting lunch backwards after today’s achievement and had dessert first )

It was definitely a full week that I’ve spent mainly with cleaning up and sorting stuff (after a new water heater was installed, after rearranging all the furniture in my mom’s room (plus, it’s beyond me how I can take a door off its hinges, carry it outside, then bring it inside and put it back in its place ALL by myself – but then hurt my ankle while moving a bed when I have help…), tutoring, decorating my grandparents’ birthday cake, making lemonade, having company over, finishing/mailing wedding favor orders, wiring and installing an outlet (gotta love home improvements!)… etc.
And while I loved doing all of these and they give me a boost of happiness, they also left me beyond tired. Add that to windows/doors being changed this week throughout the house and don’t forget to include little-to-no sleep – I’m not sure what you’ll get as a result come next week. We’ll have to wait and see I guess.

However, even if I didn’t have time to sit down and properly work on it until just now, after being very much inspired by J’s post, and the quote which inspired her – every time something came to mind I jotted it down and by today, I came up with the list you’ll find a couple of paragraphs below.
So I did do some soul searching and that’s always a plus

“ It’s interesting that the allowed list is harder to remember and to write down. I think we might be afraid of how much freedom we actually have, and how much we’re expected to do with that freedom. ”

– Seth Godin, Poke the Box

The quote really got me thinking of how kids are raised given a whole list of what not to do/say/think. Of how, when we’re all grown up, we turn that into an even longer list we live by. Generally without second guessing, and especially, more often than not without even thinking of all the thing we ARE allowed to do.  

So, here’s some of what I’m allowed to:

• I’m allowed to not be as perfect as I think I need to be
• I’m allowed to enjoy the silence
• I’m allowed to hope – it’s the bravest thing I have
• I’m allowed to change, to be different
• I’m allowed to be myself – no one else will
• I’m allowed to play
• I’m allowed to try and learn – anything and everything
• I’m allowed to make messes
• I’m allowed to trust and don’t disregard that first instinct
• I’m allowed to choose
• I’m allowed to feel – love, sad, happy, relieved, anything and to (below)
• I’m allowed to not feel guilty
• I’m allowed to occasionally overreact
• I’m allowed to do what I think is best vs. what everyone thinks I should be going
• I’m allowed to cry, to hurt, to be vulnerable – once in a blue moon, once a week, every day… whenever
• I’m allowed to pause to reflect
• I’m allowed to go for it, to rather regret going for that part on Life’s Stage, than regret not trying out at all
• I’m allowed to be full of hesitation, to be positive that I’m unsure

Feel like sharing? What are you allowed to do?