The biggest barrier

As part of her DIY Writing Spring Blog Hop, Dana Sitar, author of “A Writer’s Bucket List”, asked:

What is the biggest barrier you face to following your writing dreams? and encouraged to write our answers in a blog post to celebrate the Kindle release of her book.

I sat down full of half-formed ideas, notions and convictions about what my barriers are when it comes to following my writing dreams.

• One of them is, that living in Romania and writing in English, the possibilities aren’t as vast and varied as for a writer who is in the US, UK, Canada, Australia, New Zealand.
• Freelance writing gigs don’t grow on trees… Not here, and not anywhere, really. I check out ads for freelance writing work filed under “anywhere”, but nothing stuck so far.
• Work, and its new, highly-stressful environment, leaves me drained, uninspired and with next to no writing time.

All of the above are valid, I think.
And yet, the biggest barrier I face at the moment – is the lack of finances. Don’t get me wrong. I’m not looking to get rich. And I’m not lazy. But working so much just to stay poor doesn’t help.
Salaries aren’t much here. I am left with less than half of mine after bills and that doesn’t include groceries.

It would be the best if there was a possibility to take a few months, put life on hold and not have to worry about finances.
To not have to worry about commute, about needing a bus pass for all lines, yet still having to walk a good part of the way.
To not have to worry about disappointing people who just don’t get that I really need some time to write or I’ll explode. Or worse, implode.

And, unfortunately, so far I haven’t been able to set aside money to making any of this happen.

Opportunity doesn’t knock on my door on its own. Even while searching, I don’t know when a better one will come along. But I’ll probably jump at it in an instant when it does!

Crossing things off from my Bucket List

With the launch of Dana Sitar’s new book, “A Writer’s Bucket List”, I kept thinking of my own bucket list. Dana’s book is a launching point for all of the possibilities of being a writer. Instead of another how-to on any kind of writing, this book is a “Why not?” for the writer’s life. The list is a combination of the unique steps that have formed her career and bolstered her creativity, and the things she hasn’t yet had a chance to try. The book offers some conventional and some unconventional steps on the path through a writer’s life, why they matter, and advice for getting started.

How appropriate that Dana is hosting a blog hop launch party which encourages people to talk about what is on their bucket lists. Allow me to share some of mine:

One of the things I want to cross off my Bucket List in 2013, is writing more essays and travel articles.

At the moment, because of my hectic work schedule there isn’t too much time to actually sit down and write. Without having at least ten other things to think about and even more to attend to. Which makes me feel drained. So I have been putting it off, for far more than I would’ve liked. For the same reason, I haven’t written any travel articles since last October.

I’d like for that to change. Because honestly, I noticed that I’m a nervous wreck when I don’t write something, at least a few sentences every day. Let alone when I have to go without writing for several days at a time. I find myself shuffling from place to place, being generally impossible to deal with and feeling discombobulated.

Right now, things have cooled off a bit and I have more time to get accustomed to my work schedule and see about where I can insert time to write. As a first step, in January, I took part in the Mindful Writing Challenge. It was such a wonderful experience and a great way to keep to observing one thing and then writing about it every single day. So from now on as well, I’m planning to carve out a little bit of time each day to write, even if it’ll only end up as a blog post. It’ll get me into the habit again, cool my temper, make me feel happy again and that’s a great start.

After this, comes the sticking-to-it part Because… yes, I want to be a full-time writer “when I grow up”!

 

Your turn. Tell me, what will you cross off your Bucket List in 2013?

 

Make sure you click on the image to the right and drop by these other lovely blogs to read how everyone else deals with this question

Love projects – Pay it forward

Today, I want to share with you guys a couple of (love) projects I’ve been doing.

It all started with the week of extreme nice inspired by Gretchen Rubin back in December last year. It was a week where I decided to help out (my family, as they’re always so supportive of me) in every way that I could, not to question, criticize or judge and just do everything they needed even if it was unspoken, and just be extremely nice.
Though it’s not sustainable for every single day from that first day forward, it reminded me to be even more attentive, selfless and loving.

After new years, I read Judy’s post. I completely agree with her when she says “I believe love should be our default position.”
I loved the idea of making this into a project, and while I do act on impulse trying to make people around me a bit happier on a regular basis, by sending e-cards, e-mails, leaving loving comments, sending postcards and letters, giving unexpected small gifts, being there when all seems hopeless, talking on Skype when in fact I’ve had the account for about 5 years and barely used it a couple of times, calling just to say “Hi”, and lots more…
I’m feeling more accountable and so much more happy since I’ve decided to start consciously following J’s Love Project. Go check her blog out, take the cute love project badge and put it on your blog; she truly inspires people to join in and experience a year of loving fearlessly.

Which brings me to one of the loveliest ways I can entwine spreading love and my crafty side, and one which will go wonderfully with January being International Creativity Month –>

Last week, while flipping through my GoogleReader before heading out in the cold and our sidewalks consisting of pure ice to get to the last tutoring lesson of the week, I found this "Pay It Forward" blog post on Becky Povich: Writer and Bliss follower’s lovely blog. I instantly fell in love with the idea!

~Rules~

ME:  I will create something handmade to send to the first five people who leave a comment on this post saying they would like to participate! – And I just can’t wait to receive my gift from Becky
YOU:  To play along you must be willing to repost the photo + this part of my post and do the same, offering something handmade to five other people. (The Rules don’t specify that the five people must be the first five to leave a comment on your blog, but that seems like the fair approach.)
YOU & ME, BOTH:  All handmade gifts will be sent sometime in 2011, and they can be anything you want. Simple, light, funny and endearing, a hand drawn card, even just a poem written especially for someone if you’re not so handy; anything goes.
Just remember the main goal: bringing a smile to someone’s face – selflessly and fearlessly spreading the love!

Now, let me see a show of hands: who would like to receive something handmade from me and make a few people more happy themselves?

Clear some clutter, clear your mind

Outer order contributes to inner calm.

I’ve read this numerous times on J’s blog, in Danielle LaPorte’s guest post, and quite a number of times on Gretchen Rubin’s blog and it made me start contemplating.
For the longest time I haven’t actually thought about the reasons behind starting cooking, baking, crafting or cleaning when I was upset. It felt right, so I did it.
But after I’ve read this simple statement, this little six word sentence, it rang so true.

Another thing I’ve noticed as I started thinking about this, was the immense amount of clutter the human mind can hold on to and process for the longest time.

These past few weeks haven’t exactly been the best, nor the easiest ones I’ve lived through so far in my life.
So, as I like to clean when my life is in disarray, I’ve found myself cleaning the bathroom, the kitchen, my room, my closet, drawers, and as to provide further evidence of the mild case of OCD I have, I even helped clean other people’s rooms. (My work area is sometimes a "creative mess," but that’s an exception.)
It’s vital not to get overwhelmed and only tackle little things. So these smaller tasks were perfect… for small happiness boosts and getting energized.

Regardless, over the weekend, I’ve decided to move my room’s entire content into my mom’s room for a day, move around all my furniture keeping nothing in its old place, then throw away everything that seemed like junk and only keep/take back the essentials.
It gave me a concrete thing to focus on. Being surrounded by disorder makes me feel discouraged, overwhelmed, and depressed, and straightening things up even a little bit makes me feel more in control.
While it may sound as a distraction and some people did call it (including myself at one point before realizing it really wasn’t) distraction because of the immensity of the task I’ve taken on, I (now) simply call it clearing out and letting go.

While I was tackling all this, throwing away boxes and bags of stuff I’ve found I could live without, and some of which I wondered why in the world I’ve kept for so long, stuff which I most certainly won’t need ever again, my mind was in a different place entirely.

I took pictures of that advent calendar hanging on the wall covering a huge hole where I tried to once hammer a nail after we moved into this house fourteen years ago. I took pictures of the vase and of the plastic flowers my friend and I painted more than ten years ago before she moved away. I took pictures of the pretty colorful striped flower pot I broke, then glued back together when I accidentally knocked it over last year.
I took pictures of a lot of things I won’t ever admit to having held on to for this long.
Then I threw them all out.

And at the same time of clearing all the clutter my room once held, I somehow managed to clear my mind.
Although emotional crap isn’t as easy to let go of, nor to overcome in just one weekend, and while I know this is far from over – as I let go of many things I’ve collected over the years, I could more easily let go of the clutter I had going on in my mind as well.
I “took pictures”, then I threw them all out…

The result? My room looks brand new, incomparable to its old layout and infinitely better.
I don’t feel like I can’t breathe anymore. I have a wonderful new writing space!
And most importantly, I don’t feel like I can’t think anymore.

I think choosing to clear some clutter, letting go – both physically and metaphorically – is the best way to start a new chapter!

 

So, any of you in the mood for de-cluttering after reading this? Do you find yourself doing the same when life gets too demanding?

One little word (and more) for 2011

Last week, as a part of her latest wonderful Friday list J asked her readers what their 11 words for 2011 would be. I took a day to type in my words in a comment on her post, but overall the words were easy to choose.

Then a couple of days later, I’ve accidentally come across this post from BigPictureClasses which also got me thinking. This time of a single word for 2011. Now that was harder!

To be truthful, as I started contemplating, I kept thinking along the lines of choosing one word out of the eleven I had already chosen.
But somehow, they didn’t fit.
They’re great words with much meaning and hope for the year to come, for who I am right now and who I’ll end up being when 2011 ends, yet I couldn’t make a decision and choose just one.

And then it hit me – the one little word has chosen me. 
I love it already!

So today, after those few days of being inspired and considering both these post’s provocations, and because I generally tend to do things on my own terms, I present to you – my combined list of words in one sentence:

In 2011 I choose to hope, dare, live, smile, dream, love, create, appreciate, listen, leap, enjoy.

Somehow choose was the exact word I needed, without my even knowing it. Because thinking about it, every day, every week, every year (and by extension – Life) can be broken down into a series of choices.

 

And so, I choose to hope. To refuse giving up on anyone, including myself. To see the best in others. To keep believing when everyone else has stopped. To think that good will always prevail in the end. To open up my heart and mind to the magic I can/will find behind each reality. 
I choose to surrender to the moment, to trust the voice within, to let go, to move on, to accept, to look fear in the face and act on Life’s stage, to dare to live and to smile throughout the journey especially at times when I’m hurting or when I feel like crying.
I choose to believe in myself and in what I do, to stay optimistic, to continue to dream, making my dreams an asset, turning dreaming into doing.
I choose to fearlessly love everything that makes me happy.
I choose to create. I have a rich imagination, many many ideas in various creative fields, the ambition to put them into practice, so I choose to take the chance of making messes sometimes in order to achieve creating something I’ll love. I choose to appreciate my gift(s) and not to second-guess myself.
I choose to not only hear, but to listen. To put aside pride and ask for help when I need it, to be open for suggestions, and constructive criticism. To foster understanding and to reflect upon what has been said.
I choose to leap – and by extension, to trust that the net will appear. And even when it doesn’t, I choose to enjoy the flight and land on my feet.

 

I will make many choices this year!

However, I’ll keep in mind that sometimes, when it’s least expected, it works the other way around too:
words, characters, books, songs, places, objects, people, feelings, dreams, happenings… Life – will choose me.

 

Your turn: what are your eleven words for 2011? What about that one little word your heart is whispering to you right now?

Tomorrow is a new day

Have you guys made any New Year’s resolutions? Will you work hard on keeping them or will they be forgotten in the following few days when the hectic-ness of everyday life takes over again?
Do they matter?

I’ll make and reaffirm my life choices whenever needed; when I walk on a different path or make my own path, when I feel lost or confused, when I’m in need of a change, when I want to experiment and when I make mistakes…
Some of these happen often enough that I have a New Year almost monthly

I like the prospect of tomorrow being a new day.
Tomorrow is always a new day with no mistakes in it yet.
It always offers a chance to turn the page on yesterday,
even on last year, and its old ways.

2010 has been a year of angst, of possibilities, of mistakes, of dreams come true, of striving for the best I can achieve and be, of hope, of helplessness, opportunities, of Life… It has been one of the messiest, scariest, toughest, challenging, yet also one of the best years so far.

So, I’ve decided to re-work a bit, add a few things to my personal commandments list and publish that as opposed to a resolutions list, precisely because I think personal commandments are the core behind everything else we may want to achieve, the principles that guide our lives.

 

Estrella Azul’s Personal Commandments

• Be Estrella
• Dare to dream and dare to live
• Be flexible, be willing to compromise and make course corrections
• Be determined and diligent -> stay positive and maintain optimism as much as I can
• Listen carefully so I can learn something new as often as I have the chance to
• Know my weaknesses -> embrace them, and learn how to overcome them
• Enjoy Life more -> decide to ‘Go For It’ when I have a good opportunity, and remember to have fun and enjoy the journey
• Be grateful for all I have and all I am -> ‘give back’ with kindness and charity, help others
• Accept that Life is messy -> that I need to make messes in order to find out who I am and why I’m here
• Notice the little things
• Be creative, improvise, work with what I have and sometimes, if I’m really lucky, what I’ll have will turn out to be exactly what I need
• Know that it’s okay to follow someone else’s lead from time to time
• Leap (and the net will appear!)

 

Now it’s your turn, tell me, what are your personal commandments, resolutions and or expectations from yourself for 2011?

Do you clean to be happy?

Just a few thoughts today

After reading an interesting post on the Happiness Project blog, I got to thinking: do I clean to be happy?

I’ve written a blog post a while back about how I probably don’t know how to just sit tight and relax. But now that I think about, it’s clear that when instead of sitting around doing nothing I clean the house it’s so much better on the long run. 

I do everything I can to keep the house clean and tidy or I feel all out of place (and space ).
My fiancé always tells me to leave it for the next day, but I just can’t function like that unless I’m sick and can’t get up to clean.
The pile up of newspapers, fliers, etc. stuff may be okay and work as a “treat” for him and sometimes for me too at the moment when I throw my notebook or magazines, hat, scarf, jacket on the couch and leave them, but in the end it just makes me feel worse and that’s just not worth it.

Weird how something like this can make such a difference, but for me too:
outer order does bring inner calm.

So what do you do, clean or don’t clean to be happy?