Stressful days…

theatre1It could be stretched out to the past few weeks, but especially these past few days, I haven’t been that easy to be around… I admit it, and I’m sorry if I’ve upset anyone, believe me, it was unintentionally, I really am sorry! But in my defense: I have a looot on my mind, a lot of problems, and making a list of them isn’t even worth it, they won’t change… I have to think about everything all the time, even the things I don’t want to think about, they’re right there on my list of worries as well unfortunately, and I can’t seem to lose them… :(

Somewhere along the way from childhood and being a teenager (not that it was perfect, but at least other people worried for me), to adulthood, I got swept up in pessimism… and I really feel sad because of this. As some may say, adulthood is the real test of life, to experience the world from a first-person standpoint instead of through the parents. Well I got to experience so much of the bad things that can happen to someone, that most people are amazed I survived them all. Honestly, even I am amazed… I’m usually not that keen on showing my feelings to everyone, I’m not that open to just anyone, and even with my closest friends and family I always try to at least force a smile on my face, see the good part of things… I am trying sooo hard to be optimistic, especially for my own sake, and most of the time I can pull it off, but then something happens and only my pessimistic side can respond to it, like all the optimism never even existed. And I don’t know what to do about it any more, because to me, it seems like the more I try to work something out, the worse it all gets because usually when I let myself think that finally everything is gonna be ok… guess what? Yes, something else goes wrong… it’s like a never ending circle of disappointments… it just goes on, and on, and on, and on… will it ever stop? In my lifetime I mean…

I wish I could go on a trip to visit my friend in Hungary, to spend a few days with her, relax, have our girl talks, go sight seeing, etc. or on a trip with my Sweetheart, and just have that great feeling that while I’m gone everything is taken care of, I can do pretty much what I’d like, go where I want to if I want to, and that I don’t have to worry about anything cause I know that all my worries are put aside, even if it’s only for a few days. I’m realistic, so I know that they will all be there when I get back anyway… but meanwhile: I would just like a few worry-free days!!!

So once again I apologize to those who are around me when I’m stressed out, and just keep in mind, that I am trying to be more optimistic, and I really can’t be a ray of sunshine all the time… Life just doesn’t work like that…

Later edit -> My life right now is very very hard  and I feel like I have no more power to overcome all the bad things, I don’t have any more patience and  not much hope that some day all things considered, I’ll be happy…

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2 Comments to “Stressful days…”

  1. i told you to take break and go to Hungary without me and have some fun, but some problems came up, i know and i am sorry even if i am not the cause of those problems. we talked one day that we’d go somewhere just the two of us, even if just for a weekend, just to be the two of us. but i really suggest that you take that trip to your friend someday soon, without me, just to relax and don’t think about nothing but yourself. it’ll help, trust me!

  2. :) If only it was that easy…

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