Suicidal pine tree – by Estrella Azul

Great…there goes my afternoon… he thought to himself as the man of the house sprawled on the couch and turned on the television.

“Come on! Geez are you blind ref? That was clearly a first down!"

Yay, football again! It’s been so long since I’ve seen him gesticulate irritably and shout at the TV like a mad mushroom. And here comes the wife. Now what does she want? She should know better than to disturb him when he’s plopped in front of the boob tube. Probably needs a jar opened. People are so weak!

“Honey, let’s take down the tree.”

“Not now little missy, I’m busy, leave it for another week. Who the hell cares?”

“But it’s all dried out now and losing its needles all over my nice clean floor!"

With that last sentence the pine tree snapped.

"What are you people thinking? Did you think that I’d stand around here all year long just for your amusement and listen to all the malicious remarks about me losing my needles? Getting old in your uninviting apartment where I’m the only attraction! Do you think I ENJOY listening to you arguing about everything and putting up with your stupid dogs barking and pulling on my branches all the time? And all this without as much as a sip of water?”

“You people disgust me!” he shouted as he wrenched himself out of the tree stand that imprisoned him.

He shook off all the confining lights and ornaments, scattering them throughout the room, their delicate material shattering on the harder surfaces.

And then he was free.

The horrified couple watched his actions while cowering behind the couch.

The promise of a glamorous exit flashed through his mind; no one is used to seeing a pine tree drop from the sky.

“Next year buy a fake tree!”

With that pithy parting remark he flung himself out the three story window, also scaring the people in the apartments below.

 

Thanks to Karen Schindler for editing this piece, for believing in me and all her support without which I wouldn’t have had the courage to start writing.

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21 Responses to “Suicidal pine tree – by Estrella Azul”

  1. First down!

    That’s why we have 12 days to take the tree down.

    Nice stuff

    Marc

  2. i like itt, so funny, so cute and definitely unusual. YOU ARE REALLY TALENTED.

  3. Those fledgling trees have such difficulty learning to fly.

    This was a fun read.

  4. Estrella, that was so funny! I remember when you tweeted about the tree going out the window last week. You turned that event into such an entertaining story!

    It would be interesting to see what the people in that apartment think of your story. Such a mindless event is being read about all over the world.

  5. Wonderful! I absolutely loved this piece. I could really feel the Christmas tree’s emotions. That’s why we have an artificial tree!

  6. Very funny piece. I’m guessing these people will never again own so much as a houseplant.

  7. I love inanimate objects as characters. That’s both a funny and entirely understandable. Glad we have an artificial tree now. :)

  8. @ All

    Again, thank you for taking the time to read and comment, I’m so glad to have you all here!

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