Careful, it has a mind of its own

It’s very very hard sometimes to find it somewhere in my power, finding something which would motivate me to keep silent.

Sometimes I wish I could be silent for days, weeks, months.
On the one hand because I think it’s absolutely wonderful to be able to just listen, undisturbed by unnecessary blabber to all the sounds of the world around us.

On the other hand, since I know that my mouth has a mind of its own. And not always a clever mind, but one that makes me regret some nights thousands of words I said in the past day. Words that do not want to be said.
Words I don’t even think, which don’t characterize my vocabulary, and of which I’m not proud of.

Ugly words that could leave unseen scars, that won’t fade from people’s minds… and I know that those traces will never disappear, because scars are just that, forever present, the remains to attest and not let anyone forget that ugly and bad and stupid words have been said.
Yes, my mouth is like that sometimes… and I want to close it least half a day, so at least half the words, if not all would remain unspoken at times.

That’s all I want sometimes… for it to listen, to learn good manners, and kick me every time it realizes that it is about to make a blunder so I can quit it while I’m ahead.

* I was thinking about this from both ends of a fight, but decided to post from my point of view of how I, like everyone does, sometimes inevitably speak without thinking first.

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15 Responses to “Careful, it has a mind of its own”

  1. This is so true. People do have the incredible capacity to hurt others with words they don’t even realize are there to be said in a rush. It is only later, in retrospect that one cringes at the memory.

    The only thing one can do is to apologize. So much can be forgiven after a heartfelt one.

    And remember never to write anything that one is sorry for later. Now THAT can’t be erased! :)

    • I thought about this as a general wish of staying quiet at times after having a fight with someone a few weeks ago.
      And even though she deserved every word I said, I’m still the who one felt bad about the actual fighting…

      And don’t worry, while writing I always have the option of “backspace” and ripping the paper to shreds if it doesn’t come out right, that’s why I focused here on the spoken words which are hard to take back.

      But you’re right, a heartfelt apology always helps.

  2. Sometimes it’s just a matter of calming down enough to wonder how you’d feel if the same words were said to you.

    The old advice about counting to ten really can come in handy.

    So can walking away.

    It’s when we’re cooped up with people and can’t get them out of our space and our face, that words often get flung that shouldn’t be said. Then we’re like caged animals, ones without the option to take flight, so we fight.

    Often using hurtful words.

    I applaud your wish to keep hurtful words from being said. Just wanting to do it is a step in the right direction which I’m sure will lead you on through all the interim steps to your ultimate goal.

    Thought provoking post.
    Karen :0)

    • You’re right, being cooped up with people and having no option of leaving is terrible!
      I’m totally convinced (and can clearly see) that my words had no effect on her, but I still feel bad about it, for lowering myself to her level this time…

      Thanks for making me feel better, and I’m glad the post got others thinking too :)

  3. That’s what I like about using my computer to speak. I can erase the words. On the other hand, you can’t dwell on what’s been said in the past. It’s over and done with – move on and just try not to repeat the mistake. :)

    • The wonders of a computer, I also love it :)
      And you’re right, typing it out and moving on is the best I can do, I know it doesn’t do well to dwell on the past.

  4. interesting thoughts and also true, words can really leave smaller or bigger scars which hurt people.

    sometimes people deserve harsh words so they will notice how badly they are treating others, but yes, generally it’s not the best solution.

    i love that you’re not deliberately arguing with everyone only if you are really ticked off :P

  5. I’m usually pretty shy and quiet, but sometimes I can’t believe the words that come out of me too. We will never be able to stop all of our hurtful comments, but realizing that you make them and want to stop is a step toward forward!

  6. Hi Estrella. I really loved this post of yours. I believe we can all relate to it, some of us more, than others. Don’t be too hard on yourself…..we’re all just human, afterall, aren’t we?

    • Good point, we’re all human :)
      And at times it’s impossible to stop ourselves from trying what we think we need to do, and even more difficult to talk ourselves out of saying what’s on our mind.
      Or at least for me it is sometimes ;)

  7. I too always get sad after a fight even when people deserve the harsher words. I have trouble saying “no” and letting them know what the problem is before it’s too much and I just snap…

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