Speaking volumes – by Estrella Azul

He had never met anyone quite like her.
He was content in his current relationship but something was missing; he sometimes wondered if he had made the right choice.
She was a wonderful friend, so easy to be around, and the person he became around her, himself, forced him to think of what he really wanted: a relationship where he was appreciated even for simply being there, a relationship he needn’t hide from anyone, a relationship that wasn’t perfect yet he couldn’t imagine living without.
He felt confused, yet more sure than ever. He didn’t want to settle anymore.

He wanted her!

Before he left, she invited him back to visit. That was his only ray of hope, but could only casually accept so as not to purposefully hurt his girlfriend back home, her, and himself.
However, he didn’t know how she felt. He couldn’t tell if she was only being nice and polite to a foreign man she had just met, or if she started sharing his emerging feelings.
He left, holding all the memories of their moments spent together closed deeply away in his heart.

***

After his departure she felt a hole in her heart – she couldn’t stop thinking of him.
The memory of his kiss on her cheek still lingered with her; something which had never happened before.
She typed countless emails she never sent, fearing it might have only been a crush.

It wasn’t.

She typed up and sent a quick email, casually reassuring him he would be sorely missed and invited him to visit her anytime he was ready to.

***

As he read her email, he understood even the words she hadn’t typed out.

Published today for the “Hone Your Skills Blogfest” hosted by Charity Bradford and Rosie Connolly

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20 Comments to “Speaking volumes – by Estrella Azul”

  1. Very intriguing. Made me think. I got a little confused who was who but I would love to know how it turned out. Definitely related to the choice one has to make and the whimsey that is so often involved and the what ifs…:)

  2. Thanks for participating in the blogfest! I enjoyed reading this.

    The emotions that you convey are very easy to relate to in this story. Also, I very much liked the description of the way he kissed her lingering.

    However, I do have a few suggestions that I feel might improve it. One, is to let us know a little more about these characters – their names, why he was visiting a foreign country, what he really felt about the girl back home, and anything else that you think might be relevant and compelling.

    The second suggestion is to actually show us more of the story. You’ve been telling a lot, which is the only way of getting so much narrative into so few words, but I think that including some proper scenes between these two characters, including their dialog, would be great. Perhaps you could take him kissing her goodbye and build a more detailed scene out of that.

    And I have one very small suggestion on word choice:

    After his departure she felt a whole in her heart – she couldn’t stop thinking of him.

    I’m not sure if you meant ‘hole’ here, or if you meant ‘whole’ as a pun. A whole would be something that is complete and unbroken, while a hole is the reverse – an opening, or flaw, or empty space. ‘Hole in her heart’ would seem to relate better to the end of the sentence.

    I hope that these opinions are useful to you.

    Chris K.

    • Oh my gosh, Chris, thanks for noticing: “whole” is a typo, not sure how I overlooked it…
      Thank you so much, your opinions are indeed useful, can’t wait to have a bit more time to work on the piece and bring out its full potential.

  3. Hi Estrella,
    Thanks for sharing your entry. I really enjoyed this. It’s short and tight and grips the reader with emotion without relenting. Well done. I’ll also admit, while potentially ambiguous, I had copied this into word to read in the car, and I lost the italics, but I never considered those specific pronouns to refer to his girlfriend, but only to HER. Maybe it was wishful thinking :)

    I feel like I’m the adverb police for this blogfest, but you use “casually” twice, and for this short of a story, I’d recommend you cut at least one of them. There are a couple of other adverbs whose necessity you might consider as well.

    I’m having difficulty coming up with other suggestions that others haven’t already mentioned. I think this is great. Thanks again!

    • Thank you, Rosie, it’s wonderful to be a part of this blogfest!
      Whisful thinking or not, you were right, it was the new friend he was thinking of, I’m glad you ‘got it’ even without the italics :)

  4. Seems like a pickle, but I love the ending!

  5. So much hope that ending gives – love this :) Can’t wait to read the re-done version as well.

  6. Nice piece, Estrella! Rings very true. ;)

  7. very nice, Estrella! ♥ i can see the smile on his face as he reads her email.

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