Letting go, and doing what I believe

For week 23, the assignment in the year of loving ourselves fearlessly, was to Let go, deeply.
Truth be told, and proven by the fact that I had no blog post up last week, I have a hard time letting go of stuff. In my previous post I said how lately, I’ve had so much on my plate, and so much worry overall, that this assignment will either come in very handy, or make me feel like I failed if I can’t fully let go… I hoped it’d be the first.
But that didn’t really happen before my second go at it this past week.

Reading a friend’s e-mail on Monday really helped me see that I was going about this from the wrong angle, and that I could be much better at it if I re-framed how I think of things.
She talked about how at one point in time she was engaged in what she felt was an unequal relationship with a longtime friend. She was sometimes accepting, sometimes felt angry, sometimes mourned something special that wasn’t a part of her life anymore. And, the truth is, this is one of my biggest issues lately, so her e-mail resonated with me in a way that nothing else has when thinking or talking about this.
My friend resolved this issue when she decided to let go. To let go of her own expectations around that friendship, and that way she didn’t have to let go of her friend, or the friendship itself.

This is something I tried my best to do this week. To let go, deeply.

There are a few relationships which chronologically frustrate me, and leave me feeling small or disappointed. Old friendships where we make plans to go out for weeks in advance because something always comes up.
And if we go out I feel like I’m just tagging along, or like I am kept out of the loop for the sole reason that in 99% of the time I don’t share my writer’s Facebook account and previously existing, real-life friendships. I recall my friends talking about some detail of their lives and asking when that happened, only to get the “Oh, you don’t have Facebook, so you don’t know” response. I didn’t get up and walk out right then and there, only out of respect for our long time friendship.
Now, I’m thinking that I don’t want to give up on the friendships altogether, but I don’t want to feel like this anymore, either. So, I’ll let go of my expectations from said friendships and call it a day.
This past week, I made a point of this and let go of the expectations that my friend should call me when school finishes as she said she would, or that my other friend reach out when she got back from her trip as she told me before leaving. I haven’t heard from either of them.
But I let go of these expectations, and I feel so much better this way. I did look forward to talking to them, but after letting go of my expectations, it didn’t bother me. I think this is one of the best decisions, and one of the most powerful acts of self-love I made so far this year!

For week 24, the assignment was to Do what we believe. And I have to tell you, it was a little bit harder than I expected. However, this assignment somehow resonated with me, backwards. It made me really think of my life and actions.
Because, even though I believe in leading a life where love is my religion, I sometimes do things that I’m not proud of. For example, I dislike gossip, yet I sometimes do it when I’m upset over something/someone instead of being more accepting.  I believe in leading a healthy life, yet I usually skip breakfast and sometimes have unhealthy food. I believe in supporting local businesses, but in this day and age of finding many good books online with minimal effort I don’t own a library card anymore.
I thought of many things that I believe in, and even though I found several things that I could be better at, it was such a great exercise to pay attention to what I advocate for and to what I absolutely know to be true no matter who tells me otherwise!

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The assignment for week 25, is to Organize something (or 7 somethings).
Here’s what j says about this assignment in the 52-52 Guide, and her recipe on how to go about it:
“This week is devoted to organizing: clearing, decluttering, simplifying. Here’s how you do it.
1. Pick a space; it can be as big as your garage or as small as your junk drawer.
2. Sort everything in that space into piles: a “throw away” pile for anything broken; a “donate” pile for anything you haven’t used in the last six months; a “moving on” pile for anything that makes you feel small or constricted or unbearably sad. (You might throw these things away or donate them as well, but they get a little send off, a formal, cleansing recognition from you that they no longer serve you. If they have sentimental value, or if dealing with them makes you squirmy and uncertain, you can have a friend store them until you’re ready to part with them for good.)
3. Take everything that’s left and make it pretty (or logical, or alphabetical, or color-coordinated).
4. Stand back. Gaze at your beautiful new space.”

Oh, this will be easy. I think. I do love organizing, and even though I finished my Spring-cleaning-in-the-middle-of-Summer a week ago, there are still things I want to better organize (like the closet, for example, or the 3 left-over boxes at my mother’s place which haven’t been unpacked since last Summer.)

How was your week? Did you let go, deeply? Or do you generally have issues with this, same as I? Did you do that you believe? How did it feel and turn your week around?

PS: If you’re interested in joining us, you don’t have to have the e-guide to play, but if you’d like it, you can buy it in the shop.

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2 Comments to “Letting go, and doing what I believe”

  1. It’s SO freeing to let go of expectations, Estrella. You have to really do it, not just say you’re doing it. Whenever I find myself getting hurt again in the relationship of my email, I realize it’s because I’m starting to expect things again – happy reactions to my good news, a date/time to get togeher. But now it’s a simple act of reminding myself to let go and then just being done with it. I think this is one of the most powerful self-love practices I’ve ever done.

    • It is, j… it is. And it’s hard, too, the really doing it vs the saying that I want to. That’s why I had to give it another go… But I’m getting there more and more, so yay!
      Truly it is a really powerful act of self-love and practicing it takes time and effort. I hope to keep up the good practice and be able to remind myself to let go, when my expectations misaligne again with what relationships can/have to offer.
      Thank you again for cheering me on. This, too, helps :)

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