I once dreamed of…

I once dreamed of a big white wedding. These were going to be my engagement ringwedding dressbridal bouquet made all by myself to my exact liking, and these the wedding favors. All color coordinated, of course.

In present day, I’m not so sure I need all of that. I don’t feel like I won’t be happy if a wedding doesn’t take place. Could be nice if it happened, yes.
But my style has changed since then. I have changed since then, and especially my thought process has changed since then.

Maybe I’ve become more cynical after having been through a lot of ups and downs (not only romance-wise). Yet… since it’s starting to feel like way too many marriages seem to have been formed by two people who might have been in love once, yet are now miserable, and a high percentage of those marriages also end in divorce – what’s the point in getting one’s love validated by a piece of paper, really?

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3 Comments to “I once dreamed of…”

  1. Although I happen to be in one of those miserable marriages (my husband would agree–it’s one of the few things we can agree on), it makes me sad to read your post. I remember back when I was young and I made the disastrous decision to elope instead of having the dress, the bouquet, the wedding food, and the guests. I regret not having that happy time to look back on, and even more importantly, to share that experience with my children (and maybe even my dress!).

    I wish I had gone ahead and had the wedding instead of the two week honeymoon. We were supposed to go on the honeymoon and come back to have a huge party to celebrate our love but we never did. Life got too busy, work got too busy. It was just never the right time, and then it felt like too much time had passed.

    Now I post pictures on Pinterest of what my next wedding may look like.

    And, it’s not just a piece of paper, it’s a memory that can take you through the toughest of times.

    One of the biggest things I learned about marriage is it is a lot of work. Many people don’t want to do the work–they’re stuck at the age of 12, never forcing themselves to grow up. Or they’re too selfish to care enough about the person they married and only want to be right at all costs. And now with online social sites and cell phones, cheating has become so much easier.

    I agree it’s easier to not marry but some of my friends are beyond happy and in love with their spouses. I used to be jealous of them but after growing up a little bit more, I realized my part in my unhappy marriage. My baggage and his baggage was never properly dealt with from childhood so if I give any advice to you about getting hitched, I’d suggest really working on any issues you have with yourself first. And you might also want to make sure you’re both on the same page regarding children, career, fighting rules, and anything else that’s deeply important to you.

    Just for grins, here’s my Dream Wedding board on Pinterest. I add to it every once in a while: https://www.pinterest.com/bloggoneit/dream-wedding/

    • It makes me sad to read this, because you seem like such a wonderful person and you deserve to be happy instead of in an unhappy marriage!

      I have to confess I was a bit pissed off at friends who are getting married, when I typed this all out, and their annoying stuff with all the planning and especially with my BF being asked to be a groomsman, and me, not getting asked to be a bridesmaid even though we are friends with said couple and see each other at least every three weeks if not more. It just hurt.

      Logically, I know it’s not just a piece of paper, and I’m not saying I will never get married. What I meant, is that I don’t need that to be happy.

      What I meant was to say is also that so many of my friends are making such a big deal out of not being married, as if their life depended on having a man by their side and that piece of paper, that they are willing to overlook the biggest of flaws just to be with someone who can provide them with a big, fancy, no-expense-spared wedding day. That is just one day. If they chose the wrong guy, how are they going to deal with all the crappy years to come? I honestly don’t think it’s worth the trouble.
      Don’t think we knew each other back then, but I was engaged at one point. I broke it off, and don’t regret it. I’d rather be with someone I love and even live an unmarried and difficult life if need be, than be in a marriage where I wouldn’t be respected, happy and loved.

      I followed your Pinterest board. Just because at the moment I don’t necessarily want a wedding, it doesn’t mean I never will. You are so right, we have to work on ourselves first, and truly talk about what we want and all that is deeply important to us before taking any big steps.

      • I detected your level of disgust in your post and figured something had happened. I can only gather that much passion if something meaningful has happened (my earlier posts are full of anger-lol).

        But I understand the anger. You have every right to be disappointed at not being picked to be part of a wedding party. I know I’ve been mad before about this very same thing, and sometimes it helps to reframe it–now you can simply enjoy the event rather than have to complete certain tasks or put forth money for a dress you’ll never wear again. After packing a bunch of purple satin dresses last year and sending them off to AmVets, I got to see firsthand the complete waste of money a wedding can be for people in the wedding party. I know it still smarts but just go and drink more than your fair share of the wine!!

        Being unhappily married is one of the worst things because as every birthday passes, it’s a reminder that I have more time behind me than I have ahead of me. Wouldn’t I want to be loved? Who wouldn’t want to be cared for, cherished, and respected? Ahhhh, as a married person, there are sometimes trade-offs like staying married for the kids or financial reasons. That desire for love takes a backseat to make sure the kids feel safe and loved.

        I’ve read that couples are far happier once all the kids have left the nest. Here’s hoping for that second chance!

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