Posts tagged ‘sadness’

2016, October 7


Lately, I find that I have less patience for things, situations and people. And I don’t like it, but can’t help it either. And I start feeling semi-depressed and just want to sit in bed and do only the bare minimum, to survive. It’s hard to stop crying. It’s hard to force oneself to get out and go for a run, or walk and not become a hermit. It’s hard to keep from falling apart.

On some days I think too much.
About how people now living abroad come home to visit and don’t have time to get together. How they’d expect a meet-up on a two hour notice. How something always comes up. It takes two months to schedule a meeting with someone. And it takes 18+ back and forth texts to finally meet up on a day and at a time which don’t really suit one of the parties involved, but they can’t bear the thought of putting it off again so they change their whole schedule around. People don’t call/or get back to someone when they say they will. They only reach out if they want something. And even when they want a favor, they make one jump through hoops to be able to help them, making one go out of their way for them. Everyone is way too busy at work, there is not enough time to discuss something as small as how they are doing instead of discussing only work – even during lunch breaks or after hours.
People just don’t have time for each other anymore. Every single plan made gets changed. I feel like I did when I was a little kid and was the last to get picked for things, which is more like stuck with than picked.
Somehow, everything else comes first…

Then on one of the above described days OKAY, by ThePianoGuys, popped into my YouTube feed. And let me tell you, it truly was exactly what I needed to hear that day. I immediately shared it on my social media. And wished the whole World would listen to it and share it, and especially, to think about it. “No matter what you’ve been through, here you are; no matter if you think you’re falling apart, it’s gonna be okay.”
Go ahead have a listen, and make sure to read the story behind the song, in the video’s description box. It’s so worth it!

As closing, I will leave you with the words of ThePianoGuys who summed it up nicely:
As Oscar Hammerstein once said, “It is a modern tragedy that despair has so many spokesmen, and hope so few.” Please share this song with someone you think might need it today. Thank you!

2010, May 6

Careful, it has a mind of its own

It’s very very hard sometimes to find it somewhere in my power, finding something which would motivate me to keep silent.

Sometimes I wish I could be silent for days, weeks, months.
On the one hand because I think it’s absolutely wonderful to be able to just listen, undisturbed by unnecessary blabber to all the sounds of the world around us.

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2009, July 29

When will it all be right?

Don’t know why I’m so afraid… Of something unknown, maybe imagined, that’s lurching from a dark corner even on the brightest of days.
Days with smiles and laughter, with sunscreen before leaving and after sun lotion applied after getting home, work, long walks, lots of photos, cooking and baking, playing with pets, etc.

I’m so afraid of a 0.01% of doubt of which I can’t really get away, no matter how rational and objective I may be, and even though I’m told and assured that I have nothing to worry about, that everything is going to be okay in the end.
I know and have no idea, I believe and distrust, I’m happy and upset, enthusiastic and disinterested all rushing in one after the other all the time.

But why does it have to turn out great in the end? Why can’t it be great even during the journey to that? And after all… who has to give in/give up what and how often for everything to be, not perfect because perfection is different for each person, but right for everyone?

PS: don’t mind me today… I’m just in a lethargic mood right now. I should be back to my normal self in a few days.

2009, April 26

Not happening…

tearsHow come every single time things seem to be going right for a change, everything turns out to be just one more of my Life’s really bad and plain old stupid jokes? A dream I had for a long time now has shattered to tiny tiny peaces yesterday and… There is no way to change it, no good outcomes I can see now, no resolving, no fixing it…

And the worse part is that I still feel like it’s my fault for getting my hopes up and believing something could’ve worked out for a change… I’m sick and tired of everything damn it!

[My-Mood Videos]

2009, February 4

Reaching for a star…


S7003068-crop2My hole life I’ve been constantly reaching for stars, for things I wanted and couldn’t have… simple (for me) things like a normal family, good grades, a dog, good health, etc. and I didn’t get too many of them.
Until this day, I still want these things and I have no idea when I can have them so I can stop being so stressed all the time, so I can kick back and relax a bit too instead of worrying all the time.
I wish people could say one day in the near future: I’m sorry, but I had to act like this so I can surprise you… but that’s never gonna happen :(

I can’t stop reaching… I can’t just sit around and wait, expect for things to come my way. Yet reaching didn’t pay off eighter… Sometimes I just don’t wanna do anything anymore, there are days where it’s just a little bit too much to take.
Even though I can look at my life and see where I’ve been and be grateful for what I have: it doesn’t make now any easier. I mean, I am grateful when I think of all that has gone, and I feel blessed to still be alive, to have a roof over my head, people who love me, but… I guess I’m just tired…
what can and should I do?
I have no idea… maybe one day everything will be ok… maybe…

2009, January 21

An Italian day :P

Hmmm… today I had a very Italian day, and as a result of this, you’ll find a few Italian songs in the My-Mood Videos page :)

Otherwise my mood can change from bad to worse in just a few seconds, but it’s better than yesterday, so at least my stress level is a little bit lower. I’m sure that my mood changes when the weather changes.
When it’s sunny, nice and warm, then I’m happy and I enjoy things around me more. But when it rains and everything is gray, then my mood is like gray, I’m not so interested in things and I’m also not so happy.
I get really grumpy in windy weather, even if I don’t have to be out in it for extended periods of time, I get annoyed with everything :(
With the white snow, I feel like a bit funny but comfortable and good inside…

It would be silly to ask for sunny days and warm weather.. but I’d like at least a small amount of snow…

Later edit -> In thimes like this, I could probably find boxing very stress releasing… I need a hug…

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