Posts tagged ‘stress’

2016, October 7


Lately, I find that I have less patience for things, situations and people. And I don’t like it, but can’t help it either. And I start feeling semi-depressed and just want to sit in bed and do only the bare minimum, to survive. It’s hard to stop crying. It’s hard to force oneself to get out and go for a run, or walk and not become a hermit. It’s hard to keep from falling apart.

On some days I think too much.
About how people now living abroad come home to visit and don’t have time to get together. How they’d expect a meet-up on a two hour notice. How something always comes up. It takes two months to schedule a meeting with someone. And it takes 18+ back and forth texts to finally meet up on a day and at a time which don’t really suit one of the parties involved, but they can’t bear the thought of putting it off again so they change their whole schedule around. People don’t call/or get back to someone when they say they will. They only reach out if they want something. And even when they want a favor, they make one jump through hoops to be able to help them, making one go out of their way for them. Everyone is way too busy at work, there is not enough time to discuss something as small as how they are doing instead of discussing only work – even during lunch breaks or after hours.
People just don’t have time for each other anymore. Every single plan made gets changed. I feel like I did when I was a little kid and was the last to get picked for things, which is more like stuck with than picked.
Somehow, everything else comes first…

Then on one of the above described days OKAY, by ThePianoGuys, popped into my YouTube feed. And let me tell you, it truly was exactly what I needed to hear that day. I immediately shared it on my social media. And wished the whole World would listen to it and share it, and especially, to think about it. “No matter what you’ve been through, here you are; no matter if you think you’re falling apart, it’s gonna be okay.”
Go ahead have a listen, and make sure to read the story behind the song, in the video’s description box. It’s so worth it!

As closing, I will leave you with the words of ThePianoGuys who summed it up nicely:
As Oscar Hammerstein once said, “It is a modern tragedy that despair has so many spokesmen, and hope so few.” Please share this song with someone you think might need it today. Thank you!

2010, February 17

Thank you!

After more than two weeks of worrying, stress and running around I’m finally back.

It’s been tough, hectic and especially nerve wrecking but now everyone’s back to their previous state of health which gave me a chance to finally relax, regroup a bit this weekend and spend an amazing Valentine’s day with my fiancé.

During the past weeks I’ve really felt loved and cherished by my family and friends, and I’d like to take this chance to publicly thank them (you know who you are!):

Thank you for being there for me and to those in lack of closeness, for your well wishes, moral support, praying, for thinking of me and for sending e-mails which helped me not to fall apart, filling me with positive energy during the worrisome time.

I am so lucky and grateful for having such amazing friends!

Thank you for everything!

2009, November 22

How do you write and relax?

Having the whole day to myself on Thursday, I decided to just relax and write some new flash fiction since it won’t write itself.

I had my alarm clock set for 9 AM so naturally I slept right through it and woke up at 11 AM. Had breakfast, washed the dishes, tidied up and vacuumed the room and hallways cause if I only do the room we’d just bring all the dirt back in. This took about two hours.

I finally sat on the couch and started my laptop.

I wanted to get everything done before starting to write, so I checked my e-mails, comments, FB messages, Twitter, etc. first which led to opening various interesting sites, reading posts, articles, and so on until another two hours later I finally closed everything, opened my Windows Live Writer and started writing.

I was almost done with my flash fiction when, aside from many other minor things that had distracted me constantly that day (for example thinking if I should cut my hair shorter, than searching for photos to see what I like), I looked out the window and saw an amazing color palette in the sky, clouds as the sun was setting.

I jumped up, went to get my camera, took a few photos and naturally wasn’t satisfied by them because of the flat(s), the trees, and the church, etc. were in the way.

So I quickly got my keys, and I rushed out of the apartment until the scenery won’t change too much (while noticing how crazy I am), got in the elevator even though I’m absolutely terrified of it and would rather go up the stairs to the 8th floor (with laundry!) if my fiancé can’t come with me.

After some terrible minutes in the squeaky elevator, I quickly ran up the remaining stairs to the 9th floor which is the dryer room, opened it’s lock and took it with me just to be on the safe side, and climbed out the window to the rooftop.

The view was amazing!

I took several photos mainly because I didn’t know which ones will come out pretty or blurry and thought to myself: okay it was worth it :)


Then I climbed back in the dryer room making sure I don’t break my camera or my neck (I may need to get my priorities straight cause I was way more worried about the camera!).

I gathered all the laundry which we forgot were even up there, and with a huge arm full of clothes I struggled to close the door, slowly went down to the 8th floor again seriously considering to take the stairs all the way down, but eventually decided against it (apparently I’m more afraid of the dark then dying in the elevator alone).

And here comes the not-so-much-fun-at-the-time part of the story which now I can smile about:

I somehow managed to be calm (okay so not calm… but calmer than usually) in the elevator, arrived downstairs, then struggled to open the apartment door with my camera and a set of keys plus the dryer room key in my hands and the clothes in my arms. Unfortunately when I tried to close the door, the draft slammed it behind me before I could stop it (insert big banging sound here) but did not close.

At this point my "darling" male roommate who saw my struggling, started shouting at me, cursing and mentioning my mom "asking" me to close the door without slamming it…

I think it’s rather sweet. He must really miss hearing my voice (I haven’t said a word to him since last year) and that’s probably why he provoked me. I see no other reason except if he’s not just pretending to be an idiot.

I didn’t say anything, there was no point. But my stubbornness somehow won the fight with reason and much to his surprise I slammed shut with proper banging sound all 3 doors I had to close (front door, hallway door, our room door (the last on to his face)) behind me.

Now I feel kind of bad, cause poor doors don’t deserve that treatment, but it did calm my nerves a bit, so that too was worth it (not even mentioning the look on my roommate’s face when I dared defy him).

Priceless! ;)

2009, September 29

Small annoyances

Small annoyances don’t matter so much until they pile up in one day. Then they’re just frustrating!
And since they say it’s better not to bottle things up, thought I’d list here some of the things I encountered yesterday.

Things like:
– a busy super market
(schools and universities started so we can wave “bye bye” to a normal shopping experience until the middle of next summer)
– poor service (like you only see in Romania)
– looooooooooooooong lines (even better when people keep cutting in line, that’s just fabulous)
– people walking v e r y   s l o w l y right in front of you
(give them extra credit if you can’t even go around them because of another individual who decided to flat out stop and is unwilling to move even his cart)
– bugs attracted to your shirt
(they’re attacking you the instant you set your foot out the door)
– family members (they have the special talent to annoy you at any given time since they do know you best)
– disrespectful roommates
(the kind every little kid dreams of one day having… yup, my dreams came true)
– secondhand smoke (so your room constantly smells like an ashtray even if the smoking is going on in a different room)
– no hot water by the time you’re ready to jump into the shower after (the cherry on top)
– a hot day (no comment here) 

Alright this was it, I think.

Unless I forgot to mention creepy dogs running right at you in the middle of your midnight stroll, barking and changing direction in the last second, passing you.

Or cars wanting to park on you. Let’s face it, that’s what rear-view mirrors are actually for!

Okay, that’s enough for now ;)

I’m wondering, would you share some of your small annoyances?

2009, August 8

Mixed feelings

When you have too much time on your hands and you’re all alone for the day, you end up thinking of all sort of unthought-of thoughts. And you tend to get worried and upset over the most absurd things possible.

In the spirit of my relatively depressive mood today, I’ve spent a lot of time searching for some info on a long awaited few days trip (still not sure it will happen, but what else is new?) and blog-surfing and realized: the summer is almost over. “It’s only the beginning of August” you’ll say, but time goes by sooo/too fast.
It seems like only yesterday the Snowdrops were blooming announcing the long awaited Spring.
I can already imagine the park’s walkways filled with orange/red/yellow/brown leaves, the pale sun forcing me to put on a jacket and a scarf before leaving the house, umbrellas occasionally poking someone’s eyes out, shorter days, gloved hands and frozen noses, intense blue sky and then, inevitably, the smell of winter in the air.

Mixed feelings… On one part I’m excited (maybe this year there will be snow more than 3 times), and on the other hand I realize how fast another spring and summer have passed with no real plans, no good changes, no life altering events, yet another amount of time spent waiting and thriving for something better… and even though I know I’m living it, I wonder: when will I finally feel that my life is going to start?

2009, July 29

When will it all be right?

Don’t know why I’m so afraid… Of something unknown, maybe imagined, that’s lurching from a dark corner even on the brightest of days.
Days with smiles and laughter, with sunscreen before leaving and after sun lotion applied after getting home, work, long walks, lots of photos, cooking and baking, playing with pets, etc.

I’m so afraid of a 0.01% of doubt of which I can’t really get away, no matter how rational and objective I may be, and even though I’m told and assured that I have nothing to worry about, that everything is going to be okay in the end.
I know and have no idea, I believe and distrust, I’m happy and upset, enthusiastic and disinterested all rushing in one after the other all the time.

But why does it have to turn out great in the end? Why can’t it be great even during the journey to that? And after all… who has to give in/give up what and how often for everything to be, not perfect because perfection is different for each person, but right for everyone?

PS: don’t mind me today… I’m just in a lethargic mood right now. I should be back to my normal self in a few days.

2009, April 30

Moving on…

A year ago today something happened that changed my life forever… S7000722-crop The stress I’ve been under caught up with me, my health, as I wrote in the Doctors: nice or fake? and Stress :( posts last year.

The scare when I fainted from the pain (twice), the cab-ride to the hospital, the needles, tests, and the unfortunate sentence: "If we don’t operate NOW you’ll die!" (which I’ve successfully blocked out then, and only remembered it a few days ago). It was all terrible, scary and the feelings of deceit and sadness didn’t help either. I hated everything about it, the time spent in the hospital, the months off-work… Even I don’t know how I managed to live through it all. And the person who put me in that position, in the hospital, between life and death… is very well off, and exactly the same as before.
A lot of "baggage" that surgery had created, 5 visible scares and a lot more than that as some scares aren’t visible! More stress and feelings of depression, and a lot more that I can’t deal with even after a year, but at least it’s somewhat in the past now.

I believe it’s time for me to move on, and I’ll write down here what I want to say, hoping it will help somehow…

I will be tough. I will not be bitter. I will not stoop low and say things I will regret. I’ll be a much happier person if I let things slide, even if it’s as hard as it is. I will prove him wrong, that it is possible to not hate him even if he gives me all the reasons to. Because the opposite of kindness, friendship, and even love is indifference, not hate.
I won’t seek revenge and I won’t wish bad things upon him. I only wish him everything he ever wished for me. I won’t overstep my boundaries, I will mind my own business. And I’ll prove him, that we don’t need for him to help out my Sweetheart and I, I will do that myself! He has not only lost a friend who could’ve come in handy most of the times, he also lost his brother. Because his brother will never look at him the same way he did before all of this, before everything he has done to us over the years.
On Judgment day, I want to look back on this and not feel ashamed for the way I acted afterwards.
Let him be the one who has to live with his behavior, I don’t need that kind of guilt laying on my shoulders. I have quite enough on my plate because of him as-is.

I will respect myself! I will move on, as much as I can…

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